i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
