I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i've created a new STD.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis