how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.