Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is wine microwaveable?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?