Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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