Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
