Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Damn victory sex feels great
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
