I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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