Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
