i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
