I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
