The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
