only you would photoshop your dick
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
