She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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