drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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