He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
