Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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