State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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