i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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