2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
