he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize