The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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