i just made my gag reflex go away.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
