So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
