I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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