he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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