I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
