Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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