woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize