She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
