shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
