I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
