is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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