You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
is it fun? or sober?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
