Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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