You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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