apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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