Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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