Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
