thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
