Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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