Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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