I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
