thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
