We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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