I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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