They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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