if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
