my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize