what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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