My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
