Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
