pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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