I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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