I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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