Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize